Its funny how certain events in one’s life can change you. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. In my case I’m hoping for the first. For me this event was a panic attack, a full blown, completely out of the blue panic attack at 3:30 in the morning. At first I didn't know what was happening, I start shacking all over before getting very cold even as I began to sweat. Fear was the first thing make its voice heard in my head. Am I going to die? Is this it? My heart was pounding out of my chest as I desperately tried to take in a deep breath. I finally realized, in a reprieve that last a moment, what was going one. I immediately laid down on the floor next to my bed, closed my eyes, put my hand on my heart, and began to breathe slowly in and out all while trying to keep my anxious, racing mind at bay. It felt like hours had passed when I finally tried to sit up but I was immediately dizzy and threw up all over myself. I knew I couldn't stand so I laid back, placed my hand back on my heart and began the process again. Breathe in breathe out. Breathe in breathe out. I began to think of all my friends and family that had reached out over the last couple of weeks with love and support. I began to think of my partner, my love, the woman that I am madly in love with. As I laid there, covered in vomit, heart still racing, cold yet hot, I realized that I needed to make some changes in my life. I needed to be better. A better partner and lover, a better friend, a better son. I need to change my view of life, I need to practice more, I need to speak less and listen more, I need to eat better, I need to exercise more. I need to do what I can to better the world. I need to write new music. I need to stop procrastinating. I need to conquer my depression and anxiety. I need to start now.